What's your story? - Leadership Questions #6
Get to know people on another level after you've established enough trust
Question
What’s your story? How did you end up here?
I like using a longer version of this question to kick off career conversations:
Starting with kindergarden, or whatever point in your life you feel comfortable starting at, tell me about your life.
Answers
Examples from my career
(too many to count!)
Asking team member #1: I learned that the frequent typos in their written communication weren’t because they were lazy, but because they had dyslexia. That allowed me to coach them with tools (Grammarly) and support them with checking their slides before bigger presentations.
Asking team member #2: I learned how they suffered from imposter syndrome and felt obligated to please others. That allowed me to tailor my coaching and feedback to support them in overcoming confidence issues.
Asking a close friend: I learned why games are an integral part of their life. While I’ve known them for over 15 years, I saw another perspective when they told me about what they went through when we weren’t quite as close.
I’ve heard about many instances of being bullied, first loves, and crappy jobs. I learned about many critical turning points in people’s lives, and why they are where they are today.
Examples from the community
Got thoughts or additions? Drop a comment or slide into my DMs - share openly or anonymously. Let's chat! ✌
Be mindful
Mind your relationship with them. “So, what’s your story” can be a great conversation starter, while the longer version requires a solid amount of trust to be built first.
Stories take time. I’ve asked direct reports and friends about their life stories. The shortest interview still ran over one hour, and the longest over two. Even the short version of this question will take over 5 minutes in my experience. People are complex and so are their stories.
Write things down. There’s no way I could remember all of these things without writing them down. In a more casual context taking notes might feel weird to them. I manage this by being upfront and explaining how writing things down helps me remember things.
Source
Scott, Kim, Radical Candor, 2017, page 177
